what thoughts rattle around in your brain when you're a mom of a toddler and a breast cancer patient?

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Flunking blood tests

Of all tests to flunk, yesterday I flunked my blood test and was denied chemo--my white cell count was too low for treatment. After a few minutes of conversation, I convinced my oncologist to give me white cell booster injection of some stuff called Neupogen. As a side effect, it also gives a nasty back ache to the recipient. Anyway, I'm going back to the oncology office today to see if the stuff got my white cell count high enough for treatment this afternoon. If not, then I'm forced to take a week off to let my body recover.

My red count is low too, but not low enough to need another blood transfusion. I'm pretty tired again though, I can tell that the good parts of my body are getting beat down from weekly treatment. Even with feeling tired (low red count) and being more susceptible to catching infections (low white count), I don't want to go a week without treatment and if it was up to me, I wouldn't. I think this chemo might actually be working and I don't want to give the cancer even a few hours of rest, I want it destroyed right away. No breaks. Relentless war against the evil cells.

I went to see my new chiropractor and massage therapist yesterday. I'm sore today from that, but hopefully its the good kind of sore, like a workout used to provide to me. The chiro told me that basically my entire back is out of alignment, including my ribs and shoulders. My spine is even sort of curved now, all thanks to surgery and what happens when muscles get cut through during the operation. I feel like a hunched-over old lady now. The chiro suggested that whenever possible, I look in the mirror and visually adjust my posture, especially where my shoulders are concerned. When I do this and force my shoulders to be level and straight, it feels like my right shoulder (the surgery side) is much higher than the left because it has gotten used to being so much lower to protect itself.

The massage therapist and I are going to trade services: she needs a small website and I need more massage. I did a sketch for her today, it was so nice to do a little graphic design. My work has taken me pretty far from design over the last couple of years and I find that I really miss it. Its what I do best and what I enjoy most. Sure I'm good at editing, correcting, organzing and updating my employer's many websites but it sure isn't as fun or as mentally stimulating. Anyway, the massage therapist was really nice and I hope she can pull together the material she needs to so that we can do the trade we talked about. I've tried this trading services idea with other people before and it always seems to turn out that they don't have the time or inclination to write copy for their own website, even when they really seem to need one. I do have a friend who does writing and editing, maybe I can pull her into the mix too. I haven't tried that tactic before...I know not everyone likes to write and maybe that's a bigger stumbling block than I thought.

Ok, time to go get the healing nectar (chemo). Cross your fingers for a good white count. Die cancer, die.

13 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm amazed how well you keep your spirits up, even though it seems both blood counts are down for you. It sounds as if you have quite a bit to offer (& your talents) to those around you! You know, I have been thinking, of late, of going back to grad school because, I'm asking myself lately, what impact am I making daily?...I have a 14 month old daughter and know my time is well invested, but once she starts school, I want to work again. You're small corner of the world here, has actually encouraged me to serve others in any small way I can...Anyway, I definitely continue to pray for your health and recovery. Amen to what Carla the previous poster said! Take care, Brisa

8:39 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ronne, I'm a good friend of your sister and I've been reading your journal. And I want to tell you that you are ICREDIBLY STONG!!! keep killing those CA CELLS! YOU GO GIRL!!!

10:57 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi, you don't know me and I'm not sure how I got to your blog, maybe through the headhuggers site. I have also been diagnosed with breast cancer at 37, and I'm a single mom to a 21 month old girl. I totally understand how doing the blog can be therapeutic for you...you have been through some tough times. I will think of you when I get my first chemo...I've had a lumpectomy and sentinel node biopsy so far and am going to be having a bilateral mastectomy because I'm a BRCA1 carrier. If you'd like to read my story so far, I'm on the beginning of my journey, it's at www.caringbridge.org/in/aprillashbrook. Just remember you are not alone...there are many of us out here that are new moms and breast cancer patients as well. Have you hooked up with the Young Survivors Coalition? April, in Indiana...bbwesquire at yahoo dot com

11:42 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are amazing. Truly amazing. Just writing down your feelings and your struggles is an inspiration to so many.
DIE CANCER CELLS DIE!

10:17 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My dear friend Ronne,

Thinking of you and praying that the UGLY CANCER will just melt away.

Hang in there,
-Amber

7:59 PM

 
Blogger Rufus said...

Best wishes.
I think you should keep up the blog and the art, as they will help make you well.

8:02 PM

 
Anonymous barb f. said...

Hi Ronne,

I am a friend of Hank and JoAnne and have kept tabs on your progress. I lost my 38 year old son to cancer in 1998. Reading your blog brings back the memories of that time. I was so pleased to learn that you were having good results from the most recent drug. Joel, my son never gave up and fought to stay alive as long as possible. His diagnosis was terminal, but he survived for two years. You are an amazing young woman! Keep up your spirits and keep fighting. I wish you well.

Barb F

7:17 AM

 
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